first fling

Dear M,

I’ll warn you now that this gets a bit sexual, only a bit. So you can either skip that, or wait in anticipation for me to recount a more mature episode, depending on how you want to take it. ~.o

While I was working for the theatre company I had a summer of supreme personal growth. The earliest part of that was my fling with the costumer. We had seen each other about, as it was a pretty small company, but never really engaged in conversation or hung out before the night. There was a party, well there were lots of parties, and at one of them we met. We were both pretty young, having a good time, getting along. As people started clearing out we decided to go back to his apartment to watch a movie we’d been talking about. It was already quite late when we left the party, but I had a feeling this was going to be an experience worth staying up for. Really, the whole experience was pretty innocent, but for me it was also pretty momentous.

No one else was there, and we started the movie. Before long the costumer was lying on the sofa, his head near mine as I sat on the floor in front of him.  Though I was interested in the movie, the presence beside me was very distracting. I think we lasted fifteen minutes or so before we kissed.

He slid from the built-in sofa onto my lap, and we made out. This was more natural and easy and fun that my first kiss (some four years earlier), though with the same electric thrill. There had been a tentativeness of both our parts of checking the vibe from the other, and now we slid past that into a blissful abandon.

After a short while we moved into his bedroom, and we were past the point of self-consciousness as we undressed. There was a bit of stroking, kissing, fellatio, and I started to shake. It was as if all the tension and guilt I had associated with my sexuality was vibrating out of my body. The costumer was very sweet and we just held each other for a bit, chatting. I cannot bring to mind anything that we discussed, only the feeling of comfort with him and accomplishment for allowing myself this. It felt momentous.

How long did we sleep? It couldn’t have been much considering how late we'd been up. I woke pretty early to go work and committed what I realized later was a significant faux pas. I snuck out of bed. Thinking I was being considerate, and that we’d see each other later and perhaps pick up where we left off, I left as quietly as I could. We didn’t spend any time together after that, which is primarily my doing. I saw someone who completely jolted my being. There was an immediate spark as he captured my gaze and my interest, and before long my time. I did ask after the costumer, but really my attention had been fully invested in the musician, who would become a guru of sorts for my summer of self-expansion.

-S